Dorie and Io: An excerpt for my novel.

Hi there, Vit here! Friendly neighborhood Scholar, RPer, and as a it turns out, an individual with ambitions of being a writer. Recently I stumbled across something that I co-wrote some years ago by the name of 'Dorie and Io' a sort of fantasy Alice Journey type of story. It's a completed novel, though unpublished and could probably use a bit of editing.

I discussed it with the co-author and they agreed to let me post an extract. I would absolutely love it if some of you lovely folks on here could read and share your thoughts on it. So, here goes!

"CHAPTER 12

Natrix

The pathway down the wormhole was not difficult: the floor sloped gently and was slightly ridged, which enabled Dorie to make good progress without slipping. Io had perched himself on her shoulder, and she felt his warm breath in her ear as he clung tightly to her as they descended. All around them, the air was hot and laden with chemicals, whilst the walls of the tunnel gave out a gentle orange glow which lit their way, and showed the faint silhouette of Serendipity as she spiralled downwards, far ahead of them, until she finally rounded a bend and disappeared from view.
"That's her gone again," muttered Io. "Good riddance, I say."
Dorie felt herself sigh, but pursed her lips, refusing to be drawn.
"Come on," she said, pushing Io up higher on her shoulder, "or we'll never catch up."

They seemed to be travelling downwards for a very long time before, without warning, the tunnel ended and they emerged into a huge cavern. The ceiling of this was formed by gold-coloured stalactites, which glowed with a rosy hue here and there - colours which swirled and changed like petrol on the surface of water. For a moment Dorie caught her breath at the amazing lightshow on the rock ceiling, before she became aware of the terrain which stretched before them. As far as they could see was the most amazing rocky landscape: great boulders here, showers of scree there, sometimes smooth, sometimes jagged. Here was grey limestone, further away Dorie thought she could pick out granite: every kind and colour of rock that could ever be imagined. And running through this landscape were streams of some kind of liquid; liquid which writhed and boiled, which hissed and spat, which washed against the rocky shores and dissolved their very substance with its noxious caress.
For a moment Dorie stood transfixed as the reality of the scene dawned on her.
"That is an acid maze", she managed to mutter at last. "We've got to find our way through that lot. And if we take the wrong turning, we're going to end up in it."
Io clung closer to her, giving a tiny shudder.
"How are you going to get through, Dorie?" he whimpered. "After all, I can fly, but you'll have to walk."
Dorie shaded her eyes with her hand and scanned the scene.
"It looks as though there are bridges across the rivers. I suppose it's a matter of working out which is the safe route. And I suspect that there is only one route, and every other path will lead to disaster..."
"That is very true, lovely lady."
The disembodied voice came from close by, and Dorie jumped as the owner of the voice emerged, lizard-like, from behind a rock and introduced himself.
"I am Natrix," bowed the creature, holding out a reptilian hand.

Instinctively, Dorie recoiled as she took in the figure which was now standing before her; a figure which appeared half human, half reptile. The face was most definitely lizard in appearance with green scaly skin mottled here and there with brown. The forehead was domed upwards, at the summit of which sprouted an untidy plume of blue hair, which hung down the back of the naked cranium to well below the humanoid shoulders. Standing erect, he was considerably taller than Dorie, and he was dressed in a long ragged great-coat which swirled about his ankles and revealed glimpses of grubby silken hose and brocaded slippers. His small flat ears, which lay close to his skull, served to display a wild array of ear-rings and chains; around his neck hung a collection of charms and scarves, and his ample low-slung belly was criss-crossed by numerous watch-chains and fobs. He bowed towards Dorie, and the assorted ironmongery clattered at the movement, whilst the redistribution of its weight threatened to topple the creature forward.
"I can help you cross this fearsome place," he announced, delineating the area with a flourish, thereby revealing a dozen or so watches which decorated his forearm. He steadied himself against a rock with his other hand. "You could say I am your guardian angel, for with my help you can cross the acid rivers and reach your goal. I will only be asking for a very small fee in return.?
"I don't think we need your help," snapped Dorie. "We've managed to get this far, after all."
"But look, dear lady," responded Natrix, in a low, whispering hiss, as his clawed hand reached out and encircled Dorie's upper arm, tugging her gently but insistently towards the banks of one of the acrid streams. "What do you say now?" he asked, as his other hand gestured towards the opposite shore.

There, with a growing feeling of horror, Dorie managed to make out the upper part of a skeleton, the head and arms of which clung to the rock in a last, desperate bid for life. The bottom half of the body, however, had been eated away by the acid, and nothing below the waist remained.
"He thought he could manage without me," leered Natrix. "I did my best to persuade him, but no, he thought he knew best. You see," he turned to Dorie and transfixed her with his beady black eyes, "I explained to him that there is only one way through. Whilst bridges look solid, they may not be. Some of them are merely mirages, whereas others are not as strong as they appear. Step on the wrong bridge and - bouff - you are deep-fried."
His eyes narrowed in the approximation of a smile.
"So, young lady," he smirked. "Would you like to make me a gift of fifty points, which I see you can afford, and I will be pleased to guide you and your pet through the labyrinth."
"Might as well," muttered Io in Dorie's ear. "Don't give much for our chances without him. I don't trust him, but I suppose he's our only hope."
Dorie nodded in agreement.
"Okay," she said, "You've got yourself a deal. You show us the way, and you can have my points."
"Points first," grinned Natrix, as he extended his hand and counted as points flowed from Dorie to him. "Now, after you, dear lady," as he urged them forward with an extravagant gesture towards the first of the wooden bridges.

With Io still perched on her shoulder, Dorie gingerly stepped forward, willing away the vertigo which threatened to engulf her, as she inadvertently looked down into the swirling maelstrom which boiled and seethed far below. She felt Io's paws grip tighter around her neck, as she gradually eased her weight forward, checking that the bridge was stout enough to take their combined weight.
From behind her she heard the creature give a loud and possibly irritated intake of breath.
"You are quite safe on that bridge," it said with a sigh. "Do you not trust me?"
Dorie didn?t respond; she did not know whether or not she trusted Natrix, and indeed, experience had told her that she should trust no-one or nothing until they had proved their worth to her. Consequently, in spite of the creature trying to hurry her forward, she insisted on deliberating before each step, and ensuring that the surface beneath her feet was solid. In this fashion, she slowly eased her way forward in the various directions indicated by Natrix, until at length she was surprised to find that they had reached almost the half-way point of their current challenge.

"I need to stop for a rest," announced Dorie, gently taking Io from her shoulder and setting him down on a rock.
"But it is not far to go now," responded Natrix, looking at one of his many watches impatiently.
"Then if it is not very far, it won't take very long, will it?" spat Dorie, by this time becoming increasingly irritated by Natrix trying to press her to travel faster than she judged to be prudent.

From his vantage point on the rock, Io looked around at the churning streams which sped along the bottom of the gaping chasms; he took in the clouds of acrid steam which rose from viscous pools, and the whooshes and roars which seemed loud enough to tear the caverns asunder. All around him, as far as he could see, were the colours of fire - reds, purples, oranges, yellows - whilst below the streams flowed green and brown with poisonous hues.
"Dorie," he whispered suddenly, looking into the distance through narrowed eyes. "Can you see something black over there?"
Dorie peered in the direction indicated by Io's paw, and for an instant she felt sure that she saw a black, hooded figure amongst the rocks. But it was only for a moment, and too quick for her to be certain, for within the blink of an eye, the figure - if figure it was - had gone, and only the colours of fire remained.
"What do you think it was?" she asked, puzzled.
Io shook his head. "Don't know," he replied. "Should we tell Natrix?"
Dorie shook her head emphatically.
"I really don't trust him," she whispered. "I know he's got us this far, but there's a lot wrong about him and I'm really not happy. You'd better keep your wits about you, Io, because I've got a horrible feeling that he really is just as vile as he looks. So be prepared for trouble. Anything could happen."
Io nodded to Dorie, and climbed back on her shoulder.
"We're ready to carry on now," Dorie called to Natrix who had been pacing backwards and forwards on the next bridge. "And at least," she muttered to Io, "I don't have to check this one because he's already proved it's safe enough for him to stand on."

With Natrix now in the lead, Dorie and Io crossed the bridge whilst, in the distance, if they had looked to their left, they would once again have seen a black-robed figure darting amongst the rocks, obviously trying to avoid being seen as it made its way closer to them.
Here and there, as they picked their way through the rocky maze, they encountered geysers which spurted fountains of boiling liquid high into the air. Elsewhere they saw vast green and yellow pools which bubbled and oozed and emitted sulphorous stenches into the fetid atmosphere. Once or twice Natrix approached what appeared to be a solid bridge, and demonstrated that in fact it was merely a mirage - an evil piece of magic which looked firm enough to hold them, but which was constructed only of miasmic particles.

Dorie shuddered as she thought about what would happen if they missed their footing on the bridges they crossed, for not all were sturdy. Here and there were crossings made of pieces of kindling or bamboo, cobbled together with rope so worn that it seemed impossible that the bridge could serve its purpose. But steadfastly the three of them continued their journey towards the far side of the poisonous cavern; and in the background the cloaked figure was also making a journey, but in the opposite direction. All the time it was edging towards them, employing great stealth and cunning, to ensure that it was not seen. And finally, as they approached a swinging bridge, constructed of ropes, with the path made with pieces of flat wood tied together, the creature was very close indeed.

Dorie could never really be sure what happened to make her tumble off the bridge. From where she was, she could not have seen the flash of a metal blade as Natrix withdrew it from his coat and with a single movement, sliced through one of the ropes which connected the bridge to its moorings. Almost simultaneously, Natrix shot out a hand and grabbed Io, who had been flying at the height of Dorie's shoulder and held him tightly by the scruff of the neck, as Dorie felt herself plunging downwards towards the seething acid far below... "

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RolePlayGateway/~3/JMLm725k_7w/viewtopic.php

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